Shining the light on your emotions or bringing them to the surface is essential in chronic pain recovery. Most people with chronic pain have suppressed emotions for years or even most of their lives. Chronic pain, where the brain causes the pain, not the body, is called tension myositis syndrome, neuroplastic pain, or mind-body pain.
When I work with clients to dig themselves out of chronic pain…the darkness that got them there needs to be revealed. It needs to be brought into the light where it has less power. I liken unconscious emotions to monsters hiding under the bed.
The eight primary emotions
According to Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions, shown in the image above, there are eight primary emotions. They are:
- Joy
- Surprise
- Trust
- Anticipation
- Anger
- Sadness
- Disgust
- Fear
If you look at the outer part of the wheel, you will see less intense versions of the eight primary emotions. The innermost part of the wheel shows the most intense versions of the basic emotions.
What do emotions have to do with chronic pain?
Emotions have a lot to do with chronic pain. When we suppress emotions, we deny ourselves our whole experience of life. How we feel in our lives is how we experience it. If we don’t feel it, we will have a very small life experience.
When we suppress emotions, our primitive/survival brains feel unsafe. We give it the message that emotions are scary, so do anything to keep from feeling them. Sometimes, our brains will make us feel pain instead of scary emotions.
The impact of suppressing emotions
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like crying but didn’t want to, so you held the tears back the best you could?
Have you ever been angry and pushed it down because you didn’t want to be the bad guy or didn’t speak your truth because you were worried about what others would think?
Holding in emotions over time can block the natural flow of our nervous system and make our brains feel unsafe. When our brains feel unsafe over time, they often send pain signals.
Monsters cannot survive the light, and neither can emotions. They are hidden under the bed and in the closet. When we turn on the light, we see they can’t survive there. The same goes for our emotions. When we allow them to be felt, they pass.
For most of my life, I have run from my feelings as if they were monsters. As mentioned earlier, this is a common trait for those with TMS. I kept extremely busy. That was my pattern. That is how I avoided my feelings, which eventually led to chronic pain.
Why are we so afraid of feeling our emotions?
Strong emotions are hard and hurt. As children, we coped by trying not to feel them. This is common, especially for those who don’t have a safe place to express themselves. I suppressed mine because my emotions upset my mom.
Even my happy, joyful emotions were too much for my dad, especially when others were around. He kept his kids under control. He didn’t want us to make a scene or draw attention. Patterns we learn in childhood stick until we become aware of them and work on changing them.
But after a lifetime of suppression, where do you even start? This is a practice, and it will take some time, but if you start slow, you will eventually feel more comfortable. Below are a few steps to help you feel your emotions.
How do you start to feel emotions?
I am finally learning that I can tend to myself. I don’t have to push through. It’s okay to stop and let ourselves feel. The feelings and sensations I worked so hard to avoid are not scary monsters hiding under the bed.
They are part of me as a whole, and they deserve attention. All of me deserves attention. All of you deserve attention!
Below are some ways you can start. Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself.
- Make a daily practice of sitting with yourself and feeling the sensations in your body. Just notice them.
- Now, try and name them. Is it a sinking feeling in your stomach? Is it openness in your chest? Do they feel uncomfortable? Describe them.
- If they get too uncomfortable, stop. You will get more comfortable in time. Baby steps.
- If you feel safe enough, sit with them until the feeling passes. You might notice sadness, anger, emptiness, or loneliness. They are all okay and part of the human experience.
- Work with a therapist or coach if you need some support.
- Begin journaling your emotions.
There are other ways to feel and express that might work for you. My brother, Pete, is a Western writer. He expresses his emotions through his characters, which makes his characters very relatable.
Some people express themselves through their art.
Whatever way works for you, with practice and repetition, you will change your default from running from your emotions to being okay with feeling them. This process is transforming.
There is pure freedom in feeling emotions.
Emotional elegance is the ability to experience your feelings fully without being controlled by them. It’s when you no longer need to suppress or avoid negative emotions. Instead, you will welcome all experiences as valuable sources of information, recognizing that even painful feelings carry important lessons. -Joe Dispenza
When we ignore our emotions, they only get bigger and scarier. They follow us around. When we face them…our fears, our hurts, our weaknesses, all those parts of ourselves we want to deny—they get smaller. When we bring them to light, they lose their power.
They are no longer scary. They are just part of our whole human experience. We realize that all of us is okay, including our emotions. We are safe to shine the light on them. Bringing them to light is no longer scary; it is just part of our human experience.
The most extraordinary self-love is when we allow ourselves to feel our whole experience. Our nervous system settles down, our fear brain begins to take a back seat, and our rational brain can take over. We feel safe. Our world becomes bright and open, and we give our neuropathways one more corrective experience.
Read my post, What are the symptoms of TMS? to learn more about all the symptoms that fall under the umbrella of chronic pain.
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